my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
