i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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