I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
