I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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