You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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