I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
