The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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