I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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