there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
