Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
