what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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