You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
