Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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