She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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