Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
