I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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