What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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