So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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