I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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