OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
