That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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