who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
