I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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