i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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