is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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