I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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