drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
