I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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