That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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