does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
