I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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