Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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