Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
