I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
