I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
