Swine flu. Run for my life!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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