Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
