If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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