You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
