We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
