funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
