Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
