Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
