Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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