I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
