i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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