i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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