so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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