She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
