Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
