I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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