dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want her autograph on my taint
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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