Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
