Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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