and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Randomize
