you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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