Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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