Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
