i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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