i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
