I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
