i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
