you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
