she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
