I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
