Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
